Working With People When It Is Difficult
By Mike Reading
Most of us spend more time at work than we do any other place. There we must interact with people to get tasks done, support coworkers, satisfy customers, and make contributions toward reaching organizational goals. Not all people, however, are easy to work with.
Yet Jesus Christ tells us that to love God necessarily also means to love our neighbor — even those we would consider more like enemies (Matthew 5:43-48). And the quality of love He calls us to extend to our neighbor is radical: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31). To love someone the way we love ourselves essentially means our attempt to address the needs of others with the same sense of urgency and tenacity with which we seek to meet our own needs.
Jesus modeled this love for us throughout His ministry, and ultimately on the cross. He understood more than anybody the cost He was asking us to pay in order to love people to the degree with which we love ourselves: “Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour?’ No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour” (John 12:27).
So how can we practice loving people, especially when it is difficult? Consider these two practices the next time you find yourself in such a challenging position:
Look inward first. It takes courage to look within ourselves first when faced with conflict. In high-pressure situations, many people look outward. They find reasons outside of themselves for their problems. They blame others or the situation, and look for excuses. However, the Lord asks us to look inward. We are to take personal responsibility for what is happening and what needs to be done, even when circumstances or other people clearly play a definitive role.
When faced with difficult situations and people, routinely ask yourself, “What is my part in creating the situation, and what do I, personally, need to do about it?” The apostle Paul modeled such behavior when dealing with conflicts within the Church. Early in Paul’s writings, he said he considered himself, “the least of the apostles and [I] do not even deserve to be called an apostle …” (1 Corinthians 15:19). Later in his writings, Paul referred to himself as the chief of sinners (1 Timothy 1:15). The apostle had keen self-awareness. Knowing ourselves enables us to make conscious, intentional choices about how we respond to people and situations.
Work with compassion. Compassion can be defined as “empathy in action.” Being open to others enables us to face tough times with creativity and resilience. Empathy enables us to connect with people. It helps us get things done, and to deal with stress and the sacrifices inherent in leadership in powerful, effective ways. We are called to care enough to want to learn about other people, feel what they feel, see the world the way they do, and then do something with what we have learned.
The most challenging part about working with compassion is that we cannot assume or expect an equal exchange of compassion to be given to us. Compassion means giving selflessly. We find the capacity for compassion in Jesus, who said on the cross, while looking at the people who were crucifying Him, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). What an amazing request!
Luke 10:25-37(NIV)
The Parable of the Good Samaritan
25 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
26 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”
27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’[a]; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b]”
28 “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”
29 But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
30 In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31 A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 The next day he took out two denarii[c] and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’
36 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”
37 The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”
Matthew 5:43-48(NIV)
Love for Enemies
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[a] and hate your enemy.’44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Matthew 25:31-46 (NIV)
The Sheep and the Goats
31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’
44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’
46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”
Reflection/Discussion Questions
- Who are those people in your workplace you find most difficult to love?
- What would it look like if you strived to meet their needs this week with the same energy you use to meet your own?
- Think back to a recent conflict. Look inward and ask yourself, “What was my part in creating the situation? What do I need to do about it now?”
- If you were to empathize and seek to understand the other person’s experience with that conflict, what would you have done differently to show compassion?
NOTE: If you have a Bible and would like to read more about principles it presents, consider the following passages:
Luke 10:25-37; Matthew 5:43-48, 25:31-46